Sources: iPhone 5 to Add Wings, Spy Camera

The iPhone 5 rumor mill keeps spinning, as today the Taiwanese digital industry periodical DigiCom reports that Apple is ordering miniature military-grade airplane wings for a “massive shipment this September.” This points to Apple finally bringing the long-rumored near-space surveillance capabilities to the iPhone 5.

Our artist's mockup shows what the iPhone 5 could look like

The tiny wings, developed in conjunction with Lockheed Martin, sport rocket-fueled jets and are (according to DigiCom’s source) designed to take the iPhone up to 200,000 feet. Though unconfirmed, it is also suspected that the iPhone 5’s camera will receive a telescopic upgrade in order to bring high-level espionage to iOS.

This follows a series of patent filings that Apple was granted in 2009 for airborne surveillance capabilities on a smartphone camera. North Korea is currently involved in a bitter legal dispute with Apple after Steve Jobs & company accused them of infringing on seven of the company’s related patents.

This leaked image shows what the iPhone 5's camera is capable of from 30,000 feet

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Why your average user would want to spy on foreign countries isn’t immediately obvious, but a second source, who spoke to Walt Pogue of the Wall Street Times, claims that Apple plans to frame their marketing for iSpy around “always being watched over by someone who cares. It will be like the big brother you never had.”

It was also noted that iTunes’ new terms of service will require users to grant Apple the sole ownership of all of the aerospace images taken by the iPhone 5. The source said that the images, by way of iCloud, will silently upload to Apple’s servers twice a day. Noting that users don’t have to do a thing, the source said that “it’s like magic.”

What do you think? Would you buy this new iPhone if these rumors are correct? Or would you rather hold out for the Droid Bionic? Let us know in the comments!

Editor’s note: In case you somehow missed it, this is satire. We just may keep doing this until the relentless onslaught of iPhone 5 rumors and “leaks” stop!

Comments

  1. Rick Smith says

    Stupid
    I understand that the iPhone rumor mill is turning. Hahahaha
    You are terribly misguided though. I don’t know who your source is but they’re obviously unreliable.
    According to one of my unanimous yet completely reliable resources, the iPhone 5 will be more of a navy submersible than an air force recon vehicle. The flight idea was scrapped once apple refused to share the photos taken on the recon phones with Lockheed.
    The navy capitalized on the lost Lockheed project and have been researching and developing an iPhone that can reach depths of 7 miles underwater while still functioning perfectly. The navy doesn’t want to risk the lives of seamen, so they opted to go with the unmanned iPhone option. Each phone holds 3 miniature nuclear warheads capable of 450 times the destruction of the bomb dropped on Hiroshima. With budged cuts, it seems like the $650 iPhone U is going to be the way of the future for navy recon and warfare.
    -Posted on my iPhone 4

  2. DgAy says

    This article just makes me wanna come and bitch slap u. This the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.

  3. Smellybutt says

    This is totally incorrect.  Apple is actually purchasing huge amounts of fake asses to put on the back of their phone to complete the iFart experience.  Soon a person will be able to put the phone in their pants, pull them down and trick people at work with the many of thousands of fart apps available in the App Store.

  4. Smellybutt says

    This is totally incorrect.  Apple is actually purchasing huge amounts of fake asses to put on the back of their phone to complete the iFart experience.  Soon a person will be able to put the phone in their pants, pull them down and trick people at work with the many of thousands of fart apps available in the App Store.

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