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Fake Steve Jobs on What’s Going on with that Tablet



xin_5608040315478612040330OK, warning here. Don’t follow the link if you’re offended by foul language. There’s plenty here to see. That behind us, this is a pretty hysterical Fake Steve Jobs riff on what’s happening inside Apple and the making of the mythical Tablet. Dan Lyons who pens Fake Steve, riffs off of the Wall St. Journal column I linked to earlier this morning and plays up the Steve is upsetting employees angle.

But then there is this quote:

I didn’t bother looking at Tim’s prototypes. I just tossed them all out. Tim threw one of his little Tim snits and stopped talking to me. Fine by me, since I could clear him out of my consciousness and apply myself to some serious non-thinking. I started with the big questions. What is a tablet? Who will use it? And for what? If the tablet were a tree, what kind of tree would it be? And what of the word tablet itself? Ta is a Sanskrit root, for “gift.” Blet is Proto-Indo-European meaning “to be perfect while lacking usefulness.” Will you write on a tablet, or just read from it? Or will you just buy it and put it on your desk and look at it a lot and never use it at all? Or will you maybe carry it around and put on the table in restaurants to show the other humanoids in your tribe that you are more advanced and wealthy than they are, and they should fear you because you have powerful magic that they do not understand? You see what I mean? What is the anthropology here? And what about the ergonomics? Can you mount it on a wall? Will it have a shiny surface so that Macolytes can adore themselves as they use it in public? (Yes. It must.) The tablet must look and feel not like something that was made by man — it must feel otherworldly, as if God himself made it and handed it to you.

Absolutely hysterical, and why do I feel it is not too far from the truth?



  1. GoodThings2Life

    08/25/2009 at 5:48 pm

    ROFL! That’s hilarious, and yeah, I can’t help but feel it’s not far from reality… I can just picture the real Jobs saying some of those statements.

  2. harv

    08/28/2009 at 12:43 pm

    HEY! Don’t piss God off! He’ll make your Iphone explode…. well actually he’ll just fire some Apple employees, and then he’ll feel better….

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